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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!