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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
life is short play naked
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.