Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.