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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
Long story short, I love summaries.
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.