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Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."