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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
Hard butter is the devil.
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??