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If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
Long story short, I love summaries.
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...