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Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
When I was kid, I... No wait, I still do that.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
Today I heard a guy on the street say, `It`s chowder season, baby!` so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)