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My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!