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There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.