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If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
One day when I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn`t going to help him.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.