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Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.
You had me at 0 mutual friends
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."