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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
I can keep a secret… It’s all the other people I tell it to who can’t.