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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming... 1. Whenever you`re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you`re right, shut up.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
I play hard to get along with.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today