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A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.