Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!