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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.