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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?