Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?