Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
If you love something set it on fire, if it... no wait, is that right? sh!t! Be right back...
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.