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People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
The black sheep always have the best stories.
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?