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Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.