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I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.