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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong