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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.