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Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
My own personal hell sounds great, actually