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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
The future is much like the present, only longer.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.