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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.