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They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug