Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.