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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.