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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
This headache feels like dumb people
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
My girlfriend told me to grow a pear… What the hell does fruit have to do with killing this spider?
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.