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Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
I should come with a warning label.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.