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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!