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Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.