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French people give me the crepes.
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."