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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”