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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!