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I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
I just found out that all the people who say "You haven`t changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.