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Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
My favorite beer is an open one.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!