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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"