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My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
I’m sad when my food is over.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...