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The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.