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Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.