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How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.