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I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
Just once Iād like to learn something the easy way.
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.