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It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
Gym Update: Not there.
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."