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What number SPF blocks people?
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.