Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
It`s hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?