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“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.