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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.