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I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.