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Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Admit it: you have all tried to rap in the shower..