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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.