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I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.