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A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!