Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.