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That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.