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I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
I miss the life I planned in my head.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me Iām pretty.