Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.