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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
The only problem with sarcasm is, it only works on intelligent people.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.