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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
I dare you to spit on this status.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.