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Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.