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Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!