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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
My cardio is shopping.
I know money talks but I wish mine had a better vocabulary instead of just ‘Spend me’.
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”