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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.