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Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.