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Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.