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There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!