Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.