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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
Keep calm and drink on.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.