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WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.