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Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
My tricks aren`t for kids.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores