Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
It’s not pretty being easy.
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.