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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.