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I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die" Apparently the other 2 become immortal.