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I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.