Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?