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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
Iām the kind of guy who dreams about naps while Iām asleep.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
If you love something set it on fire, if it... no wait, is that right? sh!t! Be right back...
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what Iām supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.