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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
Sometimes I zone out and forget what Iām supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.