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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
Admit it: you have all tried to rap in the shower..